It has now been three weeks since Mette died, and life is slowly starting to return.
I have always loved life, as did Mette, and I choose to be optimistic about the future, despite our misfortunes. The kids are reacting in a healthy way to the loss of their mother. Marie, 2½ years old, doesn't quite understand where her mother is, but she has gradually stopped asking, and now seems satisfied to know that mummy is in heaven. August, almost 6 years old, seems to have an understanding of what it means to be dead and also accepts the explanation that Mette is now an angel, that occassionally looks down upon all of us, and wants us to be happy.
I just started work today, parttime, and I think I will enjoy getting back to business, and wrap my mind around something else.
I haven't mentioned this before on the blog, but we were moving from one apartment to another in the weekend just before Mette's death, which of course made things a little more turbulent. To be honest I'm now quite happy that we did so, because I think it makes it easier to start again, to create a home for me and the kids. In the past couple of weeks I have slowly been finding new places for things, furniture, lamps, pictures, to make this us a home, where I decide how everything looks and feels, but where Mette is present. I have put up some photographs of Mette in the kids' rooms, which they seemed quite pleased with, and the lovely paintings Mette made have gotten a prominent place on the livingroom wall.
To some people this may sound like I don't mourn or whatever, but I am starting to see a light ahead, and I am confident that I can make it as a lonely parent, that the kids and I will be allright. To me it was actually a lot harder to witness Mette's deteriorating condition in the last month, than it has been to rise again after her death. There may be hard times ahead, ups and downs, but right now I feel strong, and I choose the future!